This weekend's Browns/Ravens game opened up a whole can of worms about replay. In case you missed it, the two teams were tied at the end of regulation when Browns kicker Phil Dawson booted a field goat that bounced off an upright, then hit something else and landed in front of the goalpost. The officials under the goalpost were in disagreement as to whether the kick was good, so head referee Pete Morelli announced that it would be reviewed. Only problem - field goals are not reviewable. Somehow, though, Morelli ended up coming to the conclusion that the kick was good and the game went into overtime. The Browns ultimately won, and now the Ravens are of course spitting mad. And the NFL competition committee is now expected to take up the whole issue in the off-season, with an eye toward making plays like the one described above subject to review.

This got me to thinking: What other areas of pro football ought to be covered by the all-seeing gaze of the review officials? Here are ten ideas that I think need to be considered:

1. Watch those Manning antics. There needs to be a camera trained on Peyton Manning at all times, and if he rolls his eyes, shakes his head or openly rips his coach for calling a time-out at the wrong moment, a five-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty should be assessed.

2. Get Jerry Jones out. The review officials should be constantly monitoring the Cowboys sideline, and if Jerry Jones shows up there, the team should immediately be docked a third-round draft pick. If Jerry is caught wearing some kind of Bobby Valentine disguise, they should be docked a first-round pick. If he shows up with a completely new face - again - the franchise should be taken away from him and moved to Toronto.

3. Fashion Watch. The NFL needs to ring every stadium with cameras, whose sole purpose is to catch guys violating the uniform code. The cameras would be equipped with lasers, infra-red scopes and other gadgets designed to measure sock-length, degree of jersey tucked-in-ness, whether shoulder pads are sticking from jerseys, and whether helmets have blotches on them that might actually be cleverly disguised tributes to sick relatives or dead pets. Special cameras should be assigned to Bill Belichick, and penalties assessed should the review officials determine that his hoody looks too much like it was used as a diaper on a mule with the runs.

4. The Miami Rule. All Dolphins games should be closely monitored. If the team should show even the merest evidence of not sucking, a lever should be pulled which would stop the world from spinning and cause God to do a spit-take.

5. Tom Brady is blinding us with his fabulousness. The review officials should be empowered to determine whether Tom Brady's handsomeness is too much for our eyes to take. If he is indeed deemed too fabulously pretty, he should be ordered to put his helmet back on. Failure to comply would result in him having to trade in Gisele for a lesser Bundchen sister.

6. Shawne Merriman is a wiener. A roving camera should be deployed to keep an eye on Shawne Merriman, and if he ever does that dumb-ass Lights Out dance, he should immediately be hit with a tranquilizer dart and hauled off the field.

7. Bringing Madden back to earth. Announcers should also be subject to review by the all-knowing booth officials. For instance, John Madden should have an electrode rammed up his butt, and every time he starts gushing about Brett Favre he should get a big shock. Not enough to kill him, but enough to make Al Michaels pass out from the stink of fried butt-hair. A similar system should be employed to keep Joe Buck from being quite so large a douchebag.

8. Areas that should not be covered. We need to make sure that certain perpetual exemptions are put in place. For instance, under no circumstances should cameras be allowed to monitor Al Davis. No one, I mean no one, should be forced to look at that. Additionally, there should be no coverage at all of over-exposed spouses of quarterbacks. I know Deanna Favre is a brave woman and all that, but I'm sick of her.

9. Policing end-zone celebrations. The judges from American Idol should be hired to watch every game live. Each time a touchdown is scored and a celebration unleashed by some exhibitionist wide receiver, they should give immediate feedback as to the quality of said performance. Should the celebration be deemed cheesy, lame, uninspired or derivative, a boxing-glove on the end of a long telescoping arm would pop out of nowhere and punch Chad Johnson in the face - even if Chad was not the person doing the celebration.

10. Why stop with the games? Let's build miniature, flying cameras that follow the players everywhere. These would feed directly to Roger Goodell's office. If Roger sees any NFL player making it rain, killing dogs, knifing people outside a club, ditching a crashed car and lying about it, receiving a package from a shady trainer or having too much fun on a pleasure cruise on Lake Minnetonka...oh, poor Roger. He's gonna need a lot of coffee.